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Here is the email I just sent to a business that I spent a great deal of money with:

11 Feb

I am reaching out to complain about your website navigation, it is Mato Grosso, and I am Percy Fawcett. I spent no less than 15 minutes attempting to log into my account. I entered my username and password, I was then directed to a series of security questions, then back to my username and password, then back to security questions, then back again, and again, and again….

I phoned your customer service, and after a great deal of time (and loathing in my voice), your rep was able to grant me access to my own account. He deserves a damned award for dealing with me. I assume he would prefer gold, but I’d wager he would accept Starbucks. Continue reading


They’re very similar. That’s all I’m saying.

8 May

Fiat lifestyle items are now available in the dealerships, wallets everywhere lighten.

24 Apr

While stopping in at DTLA’s Motor Village for my scheduled maintenance I noticed something odd about my favorite eye candies.

Price Tags. Then at the counter, a big box of merchandise being unpacked and set onto a display rack.

ZOMG I can buy this stuff now!? A limited collection of items has always been available, but much of it has been pretty hard to come by state-side. We’re talking, even the shady I’m-pretty-sure-you’re-gonna-sell-my-personal-info kind of sites came up barren.

Until this point the Fiat dealerships would display the Bocci Ball set, designer accessories and espresso machines, but all you could buy was a coffee mug or mouse pad, maybe floor mats. No matter how nice you asked, no matter how much you offered and no matter how much you threatened tears, they refused to remove the really good shit from behind glass.

All of that has changed. Now, to the Fiat website…to murder my wallet! That’s okay though, I can replace it with a Fiat wallet!


Angelina Jolie’s got moves like… the bionic woman

27 Feb

No, really. Last night Angelina Jolie’s leg almost fell out of socket on several occasions. The poor anemic thing couldn’t walk, stand or read a teleprompter without her leg awkwardly lurching out of place like an small town beauty queen trying to pose at the end of a runway. Though she does have that beauty queen akimbo arm down like a mutha-fuk!


This is how we do at Avalon Beverly Hills

20 Feb